Day 46

I emitted too much negativity without knowing that R’s own difficulties – her own depression. Looked for her help and even chased her just for my own good. She had to listen to my endless vent and negativeness, which piled up with her own pain.

The result is this.

Her doctor recommended to stay away from me. I think I understand what this really entails – I have been her worry and her pain.

Now, only thing I can think of is make her at least not worry about me. Also, less talk will make her less think of me. Hopefully this makes things a bit better.

I would like to return what I have received from her so far but even that will create depression on her.

All those practices I put for past 46 days based on her help, cannot be applicable to her. But, again this is my wish from my side. Not reflecting her situation.

Let’s not even talk about it. What she needs is not those not applicable advices. What she needs is me out of her life, especially the negative side of me.

I really hope she does not worry about me anymore. I have been good since Monday, a little breakdown on Tuesday but I recovered fast. Standalone mode has been established, rock solid – both physical and mental.

So, please take care of yourself. Anything needed, you know how to find me. Until then, so long.

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