Day 4

My mental has been stabilized but I still feel it’s very much fragile as a glass vase. Single stroke on the surface, even if it’s weak stroke, will crack the vase.

From this angle, I have been observing my mind very closely to see how it reacts to outside stimuli as well as my internals. Right now is the perfect timing as the dosage of Depakote have reset my mental to baseline thus any changes to the baseline can be easily observed.

Today, I particularly observed what external stimul causes stress to me and makes me feel down.

  • High tone talking voice
  • Noisy kids in restaurant or cafe
  • Smoking smells from the street
  • Bad drivers
  • Thinking bad memories

While exposed to above minor hold-backs, I sensed that my mind was irritated and started moving to the “negative” territory.

Small irritation pounding on and on == Little by little down to negativeness. 

Even if it’s not a pleasant experience, at least this experience enlightened me that, in the past, those major stresses before all around me on a daily basis, definitely cracked the glass vase. 

I think I know a little better “why” side of this disorder.


Lesson’s learned here is as soon as sense the irritation, I need to start working on those happy habits immediately to prevent from falling into negative territory.

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