Brain vs. heart

All those hours spent, I thought I finally realized what my mission is. I simulated so many scenarios so many times to ensure I feel okay about what I realized.

Yes. My mindset is still firm.

Take my mission as contributing to other people, and remove focus from myself to others.

This is the right way. Fairness does not matter anymore and concept like fairness only exists if I care and taking care of myself only.

No. Not anymore.

What I value as I did before is clearly helping others who need helps. Not thinking about what is the compensation for this efforts.

However.

The problem is I “know” this. Only by my brain. Not by my heart.

In my heart, I feel emptiness.

All those stress and negativeness caused by such stress never get compensated. Actually, it’s even worse. Cause I lost everything. Everything.
And the worst thing is it feels like I am the only one still walking in this agony.

Even if I had new mindset, I don’t know what to do about it.

Another homework I need to work on.

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